horse-is-a-horse-of-course:

[jester that just got kicked in the crotch] ah! my jesticles!

(via yafpot)

william-snekspeare:

william-snekspeare:

working memory bad 💚

ALTERNATE ENDING:

there are lots of coping mechanisms out there but this is the only method that (sometimes) works on my wretched brain. can’t remember? predict the Future

(via proudlyunicorn)

somerandomgit:

welcometothemaxipad:

theuntoaster:

sergle:

FedEx: shits on my box, stomps on my box, kicks it, dumps gasoline on it, throws one of my chickens into the back of the van

UPS: whispers at my front door “is anyone home” as quietly as possible before leaving a “we missed you!” note, tries to gaslight me into thinking my address doesn’t exist

USPS: sets my package down gently where it’s not visible from the road, knocks on the door and kisses me directly on the mouth

Is this…shipping discourse?

Amazon once threw a package at my door and then took a photo while it was midair. Not sure where that fits in this schema but I did want to tell y’all about it.

(via merenguemori)

just-an-adam:

transamus:

increasingpanic:

transamus:

kissing you on the forehead

with tongue?

with tongue. 🥰

(via merenguemori)

titkoks-old:

(via lintwhite)

aerialsquid:

shutupmerlin:

A series of events:

1. I put in an Annual Leave request form almost 3 weeks ago and my boss has not approved it yet

2. I went into my office today and replaced every single writing utensil with crayons in preparation for April Fools Day on Monday

3. Whilst searching for pens to remove, I found my unsigned Annual Leave form in my boss’s drawer

4. I placed my unsigned Annual Leave form in a photo frame and put in on his desk

5. The frame I used was from a photo of his kids that I deemed less important than my Leave form

6. My boss sometimes goes into the office on Saturdays to work

7.

I appreciate the context of 1-6 or else 7 might have had some very concerning implications.

(via yafpot)

ruxiecat121:

I tell you this made me laugh way harder than it should have…

(via proudlyunicorn)

stepdadjesus:

bismuthcladbattleship:

musicprincess655:

doughfox:

exhausted-trashgoddex:

when it takes you a while to process what someone is saying and you realize they asked you a question

I cannot fucking believe I am drunk, past midnight, and tumblr is throwing fucking saturated fatty-acids at me

Listen here friendo I didn’t sit through a year of organic chemistry for you to come into my house and call a carboxylic acid a saturated fatty acid you respect that hexadecanoic acid

And I didnt get a degree in biochemistry to hear you say that carboxylic acids with aliphatic chains arent fatty acids. That hexadecanoic acid IS a saturated fatty acid!

(via yafpot)